A positive path for spiritual living

4-18-21 Talk Notes: Finding Yourself In Transition: Departures (Rev. Mark Schindler)


Finding Yourself In Transition by Robert Brumet


The Four Stages of an Ending:

  1. Disengagement
  2. Disidentification
  3. Disenchantment
  4. Disorientation


“The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation. What is called resignation is confirmed desperation… But it is a characteristic of wisdom not to do desperate things.” Thoreau Walden


Disengagement means we are no longer engaged in what was once a familiar part of our life. It is often, but not always the beginning of the ending process.


Disidentification: “Much of our personal identity may be invested in the roles, activities, and relationships in which we are engaged. As such, we see ourselves reflected in those around us. When an ending shatters this outer mirror, it may feel as if a part of us is missing – sometimes a very large part.”


Disenchantment: Every culture “enchants” or programs its members through its system of collective beliefs and values. We usually assume these beliefs are true, without question. To be disenchanted is to have one of these basic assumptions shattered.


Disorientation is a sense of confusion, a loss of a sense of direction. The maps that we used to guide our life may suddenly become useless.


We unconsciously answer certain questions early in life. The answers influence our life enormously. The questions: who am I, what is real, what is my life about and what is my place in the world. An ending impacts our answers to all of these.